We had gotten in very late the night before, and after the exhausting journey across the country, I crashed on a blanket on the floor.
I slowly came to my senses and it hit me.
I was in California.
I woke up alone in my apartment, boxes had been thrown everywhere around the room. I had no furniture. No bed. Nothing but my cat, my dog and a few boxes of random stuff I threw together at the last minute. To make this move, I had to leave everything behind. Not just physical items, but also people. The people I loved most of all were now half a country away and God only knew when I’d see them again.
Just like that, I had started a new life and had no idea where it would take me.
I was no longer married and ready for something new... 2,000 miles away. But I’d made a lifelong dream, to live in California, come true. The only people I knew were from Livejournal. I had a few female friends, and of course, one guy friend I met through therealljidol. The same guy friend who met me for the first time when I interviewed with a company out here. The same guy who took the road trip with me and helped me get settled here. I mean java_fiend of course.
Secretly, I had the biggest crush on him all through Season 6. We would flirt back and forth, but I never really thought that anything would come of it. We talked often, he helped me through the emotional turmoil of my failing marriage. I didn’t leave James for Kevin... But meeting Kevin did show me that men like him existed and that perhaps, I could find someone like him. I’d hear about his failed relationships, girls that broke his heart... And want to kick these girls. They had someone so sweet, someone so great... Someone I wanted and couldn’t have... And they just threw it away? I couldn’t comprehend how any girl could be so stupid.
While I had a huge Idol crush on him, I never thought I would get to be with him. We agreed that we would be good together, but the distance was too much to realistically get anything going. We fell in love from afar, but where would it go from there? Neither of us had any answers.
But then out of the blue, I landed a job out in Newport Beach, California. Months and months of searching all over the country... And I wind up 20 miles from him.
I decided the Universe was telling me “Go! Take the chance!” I was terrified but knew that I would forever wonder “What if...?” if I didn’t. Not only in regard to a possible relationship with him, but also for a new life in general. This could be the new beginning, the fresh start I’d so often dreamed of. Sometimes the best things in life aren’t always the easiest choices for us to make. Though scared beyond belief, I decided to go for it.
A week and a half later, I woke up in my new apartment and started down a path I never knew existed before. I not only moved my feet, I moved my entire life. I gave up everything I knew on the off chance that I could make this work, make my dreams come true. Was I right about us being good together?
Yes. A million times yes.
The Idol crush has turned into the best relationship I have ever had. He really is everything I could have ever wanted in another person. We used to wonder if we would ever be able to cuddle or kiss, so now we seem to cherish every moment we have together doing just that. We snuggle for hours in bed on Sunday mornings being sappy and just enjoying one another. I truly feel loved and cherished, something I never had with another man.
I’m happy. Truly happy.
I am a very lucky girl. I may not believe in God, but I find myself thanking him every day for introducing me to the man who has truly helped me transform my life into something more than I ever could have imagined before. There are frustrations, stresses and things that drive me crazy about life and about work, but that’s a part of every life. But I took a chance and am living my life for me. I am discovering more about myself every day, living through moments I never would have imagined for myself. If I made it this far, had this big of a change so fast... What other possibilities are out there, waiting for me?
So if you ever wonder if you should take the chance, wonder if it’s worth moving your entire life to see if something could work out? If you ever wonder if you should you jump headfirst into a scary situation that could have the potential for something great? It’s always a tough call and you never really know where life will take you from one minute to the next. You can plan for anything and everything, but life as it so often does, can throw you a curveball.
I will no longer have to worry about “What if...”. I took the chance. I went for it and I have my answer.
And trust me, it’s amazing.
(If you are still interested in signing up, the deadline for sign-ups and the first entry are MONDAY at 8 PM Eastern/ 5 PM PST. I urge you to head over that way and check the group out. It's a lot of fun and filled with so many awesome writers. Who knows? You might even fall in love with someone you meet from there like I did ;)