Kristen (pixiebelle) wrote,

LJ Idol - Week 0 - Introduction

Many of you have no clue who I am, and that’s good. I like that. No, in fact, I love that. Some of you may recognize my name but remember little else. That’s good too. For those who do remember me, I almost wish you didn’t. I wish I was coming into this world a nobody, to have no one know anything about me. I almost set up an alt, but I’m too lazy for that. Besides, I’m sure most people have no freaking clue who I am anyway, so we’re all good.

Seven years is a long time to be away. In that time, my life has changed several times over. I don’t even recognize the girl who wrote my entries seven years ago. I cringe at the thought of how I acted back then.

I’m nothing like I used to be.

Some of you may remember me as a Midwestern girl who packed up her life and moved to California. Today, I’m writing this entry from an apartment in Paris, eating French cheese on crackers and drinking some fancy lemon-flavored water. This is my new home, at least part of the time. Soon, it will be my full-time home.

Others of you may remember me as Annabelle’s dog mom. You may remember how much I talked about her, how she was my entire world. She was my emotional support animal, the reason I’m mentally stable today. Sadly, my sweet beast passed away only a few months ago, and I’m still not dealing with it all that well.

Maybe I’m overthinking this, but I feel like too many people remember me for my emotional state back then. I was not in a healthy mindset. There was so much self-loathing inside of me that I felt like I might burst with it sometimes. I relied too much on validation from others, I felt like I had to win in order to be worth anything in life.

But something shifted inside of me once I turned thirty. The older I get, the more comfortable I am in my skin, and the less I rely on others for validation or approval. It’s been an amazing transformation and looking back, I don’t even recognize my old self anymore.

The drama from the past is water under the bridge as far as I’m concerned. I couldn’t care less about it - and own my role in at as well.

I write for a living now - seriously, I’m a full-time ghostwriter. The old me would never have expected that turn of events, but here I am. I’ve written countless books over the years, many of which have become Amazon bestsellers. My writing has improved tremendously. I still deal with imposter syndrome a lot, and I don’t think I’m the best writer or anything - but I know I’m good enough to get paid for it. I’m happy with that.

Other general info for those who don’t know me: I’m mid-30s. I split my time between Paris and Los Angeles. I have two cats but live with a total of four. Oh, and we have three guinea pigs here in Paris too, can't forget about them. My boyfriend is French, and we met online. He’s autistic, and I’m going to be seeking a diagnosis for myself in the near future. I’m definitely not neurotypical. I’m a bit socially awkward, so good thing none of you will be meeting me in real life. My sense of humor can be a bit dry (and dark) at times - people often take me seriously when I'm joking. I'm hardly ever too serious, except when I am. I also tend to write dark fiction - my brain is pretty twisted and disturbing, but I promise I'm actually pretty optimistic most of the time.

Just a fair warning, my life is super busy - I am always working or traveling. My entries will likely be early drafts, as I don’t have a lot of time to edit and proofread over and over again. This is meant to be fun for me, so I’m not going to be a perfectionist. But I will always strive to put out the best possible work I have time for.

And I’m always looking for new friends, so feel free to add me.
Tags: introductions, lj idol, lj idol season 11
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